How much more loneliness do I have to endure until I can find him. You know..the one.
He’s so very perfect…he IS the one.
And once again I drove him away. I’ll never find another like him. But I know he’ll find someone way more amazing than me.
I think I live in the wrong state. I may be a jersey gal but fuck man why is everyone so lame?! It’s not like I want to go out all the time but even just a trip to the beach at night just to chill is cool too. Maybe bring some beers. Or just fuckin skinny dip! I’m only 23 I don’t have to be such a grown up yet. People still do spontaneous crazy things. Maybe I’m just too different from everyone here. I just don’t belong. Fuck this, brood and wallow in your sadness all you want but I’m gonna have fun on my birthday. You can stay home for all I care I really don’t give a shit.
How do you love me so much…and I do nothing to deserve it..
Leo zodiac facts.
How I’ve constantly been feeling :( I wonder if this feeling will ever subside.
So is it me or am I that big of a fucking loser?! That my best friend doesn’t ever like to invite me anywhere…like you vent to me about the same fcking shit OVER and over. I check up on you to see if you’re alright. But no you can’t even ask me to tag along with whatever you’re doing? And last year you give me shit for not being there for you on our birthday? You’re not nearly there for me as much as I am for you. And what do I get in return?! Disrespect. Straight up disrespect. Sometimes I wish I could just make new friends but I can’t bc I have some kind of repellant that I can never get rid of and people just don’t fucking like me or want to stay friends with me. It’s pretty god damn depressing. I just can’t seem to get it right with anything. I feel so lonely and I hate it. So the only person I want to hang out with is my bf bc he seems to be the only one who gives a shit. And somehow he still loves me and wants to be with me 24/7 when at times in such a shit gf. And my other friend just moved to SD who I will probably not see for quite some time. My best fucking friend who I can openly be insane with and it’s okay. Now she’s gone. Why is every fucking thing so annoying and depressing and why don’t I know how to be happy when things aren’t? I hate this tired feeling. Fuck I need therapy.
I used to have a set flow for my blog now it’s kind of…all over the place. I also used to write more which I don’t do it much anymore. I used to do a lot of things that I don’t do much of anymore and I wish I did more of. I wonder what it is I that stops me? Lack of motivation? Depression? Getting older? Who knows….what I do know is that there’s something missing inside me and I’m desperate to get it back. But if I only knew what and how.
When I watch him drive away I get a little heartbroken…and then the bad thoughts consume me. But then at least I’ll know he’s mine this time and he’ll always come back for me and only me. I guess this is why he wants us to push on. As long as he’s by my side then there is hope for us.